Luckiest Bitch

February 22, 2008

 

Did you just hear Joey Salceda call her boss, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, a bitch?

I believe the exact quote was: “She may be a bitch but she’s the luckiest bitch around.”

Ahahahhaha!

Remember, I called it first.

Now run Joey.

Run to the La Salle nuns who coddled Lozada. Fuck, run underneath Luli’s skirt. You could probably convince the people that you were just joking. You are the witty one, right? The funny one who often say things in jest?  

Run Joey. I don’t think your boss, a.k.a. The Bitch, found it funny. Now, let’s see how long your luck will hold out. Let’s just hope you’re as lucky as your boss.  

I was busy laughing my ass off at the television while his briefing was being replayed again and again over ANC that I vaguely heard my male co-worker retort: Just like Ann Curtis.

Huh?

“You know, her famous line in the soap Maging Sino Ka Man?”

Double huh?

“I might be a slut but I’m the best slut in town.”

Uh, okay.  

 

 

Crazy Jun

February 20, 2008

Who does Jun Lozada think he is?

After years of wading through the muck, suddenly we hear him exclaim, “Yuck?”

Was he like the Roman, Saul (five feet tall?), who persecuted and profited from Christians but got struck by lighting, blinded for bit, until he literally saw the light?

Or how about Chavit Singson, the perpetual member of Estrada’s Midnight Cabinet, who proved to be the missing link, er, linking the deposed president to the illegal numbers game, jueteng?

It’s not enough that Lozada should bring his sullied hands right to the doorsteps of Malacañang and dirty up Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s immaculate gown? It’s not enough that Lozada accuse the First Gentleman of making a commission from the NBN-ZTE deal? Can’t he see how sickly the president’s husband is?

I see a pattern here. Lozada has a very nasty habit of bringing his friends down with him. First, there was Romulo Neri. It was Neri who brought him in, taught him the ropes of the bureaucracy, the jargons that honorable men go by. It was Neri who became instrumental for him to hold the position that he once held and the opportunities and perks that come along with it.

Where else could he have gotten the now famous phrase, “moderate their greed?” He doesn’t have the imagination to conjure that. He’s just (as he admitted himself) a probinsyanong instik.

And putting words into Neri’s mouth? Jeez! As the famous phrase above signified, Neri couldn’t have said the President was “evil.” Neri’s got too much imagination on his left pinkie that will blow Lozada’s mind away.

And now this?

Now Lozada has gone too far. Now, he committed the most unholy transgression of all.

His dear, dear friend, Palace deputy executive secretary for legal affairs Manuel Gaite, is now trying to defend himself to the ruthless media before the judgmental public. That’s what he got for commiserating with Lozada.

For what, you ask?

Gaite gave Lozada’s brother, Owe, P500,000 while Lozada was in HongKong. Imagine the betrayal he must feel! Considering that Gaite only receives about P50,000 a month in salaries and allowances but he moved hell to raise that half a million pesos to help out his friend but Lozada butt-fucked him.

"It’s unfortunate that all my efforts at helping Jun Lozada have been twisted by him or made to appear as part of a scheme to prevent him from testifying in the Senate hearing on the NBN-ZTE project, " Gaite was quoted in the papers as saying.

Now Gaite must know how Julius Caesar felt when he was stabbed by his dear friend, Brutus in the name of Rome. But we all know it was more about power and ambition than it was about Rome.

I bet the rest of the 84 million Filipinos would love to have a friend like that. The money came from his own pockets, for chrissakes! That might have been the education fund for his children; or that new car he and his wife are eyeing. Can’t Lozada see the sacrifices his friend went through for him?

(Come to think of it, I’ve got lousy friends. They can’t even buy me a decent meal from Jollibee when I go hungry. Cheap-ass sons-of-bitches.)   

Why would you do that to your friend, man?

Who do you think you are?

You think your voice will be enough to bring the whole system, perfected to be milked by politicians and enterprising aides, down?

Why can’t you just heed our esteemed President’s advice and move on? Stop playing politics. What, you don’t think these investigations and grandstandings don’t have repercussions on how foreign nations look at us?

With your incessant talk and endless exposés, you’re making us all look bad before the eyes of the world.

We have a reputation, see? After all we are the Philippines. 

Home to 84 million cowards, and one bitch.

 

Stunk

February 17, 2008

 

I’ve just attended a forum where Mindanao federalists and business leaders made a big show of resuscitating the advocacy to push parliamentary-federal form of government, and normally I’m all for it but judging by the timing, I think it stunk and I had to stop myself from checking my shoes to see if I stepped on dogshit.

My suspicions were confirmed, at least to my mind, when the next day, I read in the national newspapers that charter change was revived. The timing couldn’t be better when we have Jun Lozada implicating just about anybody in the executive, except the gardener and the cook. No, wait! Could the cook be responsible for the FG’s voracious appetite? Maybe the senate investigation should also look into that.  

We have the same cast of (shady!) characters pushing for cha-cha, supposedly to push forward reforms. The script is also familiar, officials attempting to get Mindanao’s popular support by promising federalism, especially with Prosperous Nograles, a Mindanaoan himself, at the helm of the Lower House.

Wasn’t’ it just two or three years ago when cha-cha gained momentum and then speaker Jose de Venecia butt-fucked the Mindanao federalists by dropping from the agenda the crusade for federalism?

Of course, we all know that federalism was never the intention in the first place. Cha-cha was meant to catapult JDV to the position of prime minister because he could never be president and he controlled the numbers in the Lower House. At least, that was true before.

I do have a personal issue against the Mindanao federalists. There was also a debate on whether or not to effect cha-cha by way of constituent assembly (where lawmakers will decide on their own what provisions should be included in the charter), or a constitutional convention (where the delegates are voted into a body that will recommend changes to the charter).

So all the officials of the Mindanao federalists were for con-con, right? Obviously because the opportunity for patronage is limited; but in the middle of the campaign, JDV changed the rules of the game and pushed for cha-cha through con-ass, instead. And what did the federalists do? They swallowed their pride and accepted JDV’s proposal. The irony is, they were very loud in condemning the President for flip-flopping on charter change, one of the policy decisions she promised during her state of the nation address.

Who’s flip-flopping now?

Anyway, I’d be more inclined to believe that this is another diversionary tactic. When you think about it, the system itself is geared to favor enterprising officials (read: corrupt). The Senate hearings illustrated the point that corruption is systemic. Why else would politicians spend P200 million during elections – to earn the chance to serve the public?

Magicians are very good in diverting attention from the trick by spellbinding the gullible with their offhand. Like the wonderful Michael Caine said in the movie, Prestige, the process of magic could be subdivided into three parts.  The Pledge (where the magicians shows you something ordinary); The Turn (the magician takes the ordinary and makes it do something extraordinary); and The Prestige (because making something disappear isn’t enough, you have to bring it back).

Politicians would make very good magicians:

The Pledge: (where politicians promise something extraordinary) e.g. “When I get elected, you all will leave your slums to live with the rich in Insular.”

The Turn:  (the politicians make something extraordinary and raise the bar of credulity) “I will wipe out poverty and insurgency by the time I step down. We would become a first world country in 20 years.”

The Prestige: (the politicians screw Filipinos and the public keeps on coming back for more).

Now, why would the politicians who make our laws mess around with a perfect system for corruption to institute reforms?  If federal form of government is the answer to giving the local government units more autonomous to manage their own affairs and spend their own money, wouldn’t that be counterproductive for them?

But you know what? I have a bigger axe to grind. I do hope charter change will push through in order to become a witness to the biggest poetic justice of all: A parliamentary without Jose de Venecia.